L.O.V.E.

I was standing in the shower this morning, hoping that the running water would get rid of the groggy sleep feeling, and the headache that wouldn’t (and hasn’t yet) quit. And I was thinking about what I was going to write tonight. I liked my previous articles on CarrPeeDiem trying to figure out what was different between my writing now, and my writing in days past. Why did everything work so much better? Why was writing such a source of delight, such an all-encompassing thing back then, but no longer was? What the hell had happened?

I’ve had all sorts of comparisons and made them in previous articles. Things that are different between “then” and “now.” But this morning, as I was working out further additions to those lists, I realized what the simplest explanation may have been.

Had I fallen out of love with writing?

The idea scared the hell out of me, I don’t mind telling you. I have been writing hard since I was very young, and it has never occurred to me to do anything else with my life. This may or may not be a good thing. I live and breathe stories. I work very hard at it (and get irritated when people don’t seem to think I do, but never mind, that’s another day’s discussion). So what had happened?

Beats me. And I don’t even know if it’s true. There’s a much, much simpler explanation that I think might hold up just fine and apply solely to me. But I considered that the idea of falling out of love with your writing — or at least, no longer being in the honeymoon years of your writing career — made for an interesting article. So I looked up articles on the internet, called “How to Rekindle Romance In A Marriage.”

And I realized right quick that the analogy carried over perfectly to writing. So, I offer up the following marriage advice, modified and elaborated by me, and suggest that you give it a shot, if any of it seems like something you might need to do, or want to do. And don’t dismiss it all. It’s all easily viable, on any budget. This is the article.

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Marriage Advice: Have a once-a-week date night. Leave the kids at home, and enjoy time together as a couple. Hold hands, chat, flirt, and do all the things you’ve always wanted to do alone. Have burger and fries at the diner or watch a movie. Try to leave all talk about work behind you, relax and enjoy.

Writing Advice: Why not do the same thing? Once a week, pick a night. Let’s say Thursday night. Talk to your husband, your wife, your cat. Sternly explain to them that you’re going to go write for awhile that night. Maybe make it a night which won’t be too punishing if you stay up late. And then, instead of the current novel you’re slogging through…go have a blast. Why not? Why the heck not? Go write a short story. Flash fiction. SLASH fiction. Fan-fiction! You don’t have to finish anything. Hell, write “American Gods, by Neil Gaiman….Chapter Three by Pete Tzinski,” and then make up a chapter. The point is, have a date with your writing. Forget all your abilities, your aspirations, and go back to writing some disposable thing that you probably would have written without hesitation when you very, very first started off writing and didn’t know better.

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Marriage Advice: Make an effort to remember holidays. It’s easy to forget anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and birthdays when you’ve got so much going at work. It’s even worse when you’ve been in a relationship for so long that you come to a point where you don’t feel like these occasions matter. Do something different during these little occasions; it will benefit the relationship. Celebrate. Not only will the feeling of appreciation kick in, you’ll have a wonderful time.

Writing Advice: They’ve got the right idea here, but for writing, we’ll come at it a little differently. Make an effort to remember holidays from a writing sense, by which I mean, realize that Christmas day is coming up and, rather than planning to MISS a day…work a little harder in the days leading up to it. Do Christmas day’s work ahead of time. You may enjoy Christmas just a bit more, without even realizing it, because you aren’t thinking far, far back in your mind “I haven’t written anything today, I Am Falling Behind!”

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Marriage Advice: Believe in changes. Routine in a marriage can be good and healthy. Boredom however, is not. Embrace changes in your life. Go for the company trip you’ve always avoided just because you wanted to be with your family. You’ll realize that absence does make the heart grow fonder. Or make a decision to move to a new city for a new job. Sometimes change is hard but you’ll find yourselves growing together as a married couple; and that is always a good thing.

Writing Advice: God, do I even need to adapt this one at all? It applies. Now, I’m not saying that you need to move to a new city and get a new job to spice up your writing. If you do that every time, somebody (the FBI, at the very least) is going to take an interest and/or kill you. But believe in changes! I typically write at home, because I have a young son…but why can’t I plan ahead of time, and pack up and go to a coffee shop for an afternoon with him and write? Or have my wife watch him and go write? It’s change. Change is a good thing, even when it’s nerve-wracking and feels like the worst thing in the world. There’s a classic, perfect, useless piece of director’s advice for actors, and it goes, “You know that thing you were just doing? Don’t do that.” Apply it to your writing. Why not?

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Marriage Advice: Be sexy (not that you’ve forgotten how). Flirt with your significant other. Throw your head back and laugh at his jokes. Gently touch his hand as you do. These moves may seem subtle, but they’ll bring back memories of when you were dating. Wear sexy lingerie to bed instead of your usual oversized college tee. Spray on perfume before heading out to dinner. The list of little things you can do is endless.

Writing Advice: If this one is already creeping you out, then hang on. I’m not suggesting you start wearing lingerie when you sit down to write, or put on Barry White and write by candlelight. And if you act sexy toward your manuscript, I don’t want to hear about it. BUT! Act sexy ABOUT your manuscript. You are writing the great American novel, bucko! Have you forgotten? Why not go for shameless? We usually know some people who will say good things about our writing. Proudly show off bits of it, however you can manage it. Be proud and in love with your writing. You are the best damn writer this planet has ever managed to produce, and you are writing the best damn thing of your life. Show it off. Write something that excites you, and then brag a little. Honest.

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Marriage Advice: Organize a weekend getaway for just the two of you. Whether it’s to NYC or to Hawaii – leaving all your worries behind and having a vacation is the sexiest way to rekindle romance in your relationship. It’s even better when it comes as a surprise. Don’t leave the romantic champagne and cocktails behind!

Writing Advice: This is the only one which really costs any money. Talking to your significant other, or cat. Figure out the budget a little. I’m sure you can’t hop off to New York, or Hawaii just to write, unless you are Neil Gaiman reading this (hi, Neil!) and you feel the need to borrow one of Tori Amos’s houses again. But otherwise, think small-scale and practical. For writing purposes, why not book a two-day-one-night room in your local hotel? What the heck, get the one with the swimming pool. Do it by yourself, or do it with your family, if you can manage to spend lots of time writing, or else you gotta leave ‘em at home. This one isn’t the most practical, but it’ll be dead useful, and it’ll be fun, and it’s an eccentric adventure without spending a fortune and without leaving your hometown.

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Marriage Advice: If you can’t do the former, call in sick and spend the day together in bed. Or book a hotel room within your city for the weekend. Have the hotel staff sprinkle rose petals on your bed (most places would willingly do that with a fee). Nothing’s cooler than spontaneity in a relationship.

Writing Advice: See? They tell you to book a hotel in your city too. Maybe I’m right about all this. I’m often right, except when I’m not. Anyway, this piece of advice is short, sweet, and easy: Call in sick and spend the day sitting in bed, in your pajamas (or in the altogether, if it makes you happy) and write. Get up for tea, and potty. Write on paper, on typewriter, on computer. Combine this with other steps (like writing something fun and silly) for a terrific day.

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